No Underwear
by roo17
Summary: Just a bunch of randomness...like Luffy on Tuesdays and Zoro going crazy and Smokers gay...No Pairings though.
1. Chapter 1: No Underwear

Chapter 1:

No Underwear

Luffy danced around in circles, a giant grin was plastered on his face. "I'm not wearing underwear today! No I'm not wearing underwear today! Not that you probably care much about my underwear! Still none the less I gotta say~ that I'm not wearing underwear today!"

One older lady walking by had yelled 'Pervert' while walking past. Some random younger girl watched the 17 year old boy sing and dance horribly and asked the next to her a question.

"Is he always like this?" Ace sighed.

"Unfortunately, yes." The girl nodded and watched the younger brother repeat the show over again. Then Ace cleared his throat and tilted his head a little. "Actually, I think he's only like this on Tuesdays."

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Just a very short and random thing. So go see Luffy on Tuesdays, okay?  
Song: No Underwear  
Artist: Not quite sure. Anyone know?  
Heads up! There will be more chapters coming up! At least three more chapters or more! R&R please! Thank you!


	2. Chapter 2: Cat, I'm a Kitty Cat

Chapter 2:

Cat, I'm a Kitty Cat

The CP9 agents watched their, Rob Lucci, with a comical look through a crack in the wall. Rob Lucci, the most serious (and dangerous) CP9 agent, was in Leopard: Reborn form. Hattori was on a perch not to far away, watching his masters every move. Even Kaku would tell was on the verge of cracking up. Lucci stood in front of a mirror while pulling sexes poses. While doing this he sang the following:

"Cat, I'm a kitty cat! And I dance, dance, dance and I dance, dance, dance!  
Cat, I'm a kitty cat! And I dance, dance, dance and I dance, dance, dance!  
Cat, I'm a kitty cat! And I dance, dance, dance and I dance, dance, dance!  
Cat, I'm a kitty cat! And I dance, dance, dance and I dance, dance, dance!  
Cat, I'm a kitty cat! And I dance, dance, dance and I dance, dance, dance!  
Cat, I'm a kitty cat! And I dance, dance, dance and I dance, dance, dance!  
Provocative posing! Provocative posing!  
Cat, I'm a kitty cat! And I meow, meow, meow and I meow, meow, meow!  
Cat, I'm a kitty cat! And I meow, meow, meow and I meow, meow, meow!  
Cat, I'm a kitty cat! And I dance, dance, dance and I dance, dance, dance!  
Cat, I'm a kitty cat! And I dance, dance, dance and I dance, dance, dance!  
I say sexy things to myself while I'm dancing! I say sexy things to myself when I'm dancing!  
Provocative posing! Provocative posing!  
Cat, I'm a pitty pat! And I boop, boop, boop, beedee, bop, bop  
Cat, I'm a kitty cat! And I meow, meow, meow and I meow, meow, meow!  
Cat, I'm a kitty cat! And I dance, dance, dance and I dance, dance, dance!  
Cat, I'm a kitty cat! And I meow, meow, meow and I meow, meow, meow!  
Cat, I'm a kitty cat! And I dance, dance, dance and I dance, dance, dance!...Ting!"

When Lucci had said 'ting', he had winked to himself in the mirror...and that was too much for the group. Everyone, even Hattori, had busted into Lucci was not laughing, oh no. He was dead on pissed. He glared at Hattori. If looks could kill, Hattori would have exploded into a pile of feathers. Kaku looked through the crack in the wall and saw Lucci spit Hattori out of his mouth while heading towards the door. Kaku, the only smart one, immediately stopped laughing and raced towards the end of the hall way, rounding the corner with intense speed. If anything, he was gonna play dumb with Lucci and hopefully it would work.

The other CP9 officers soon stopped laughing too when they saw an all to familiar face glaring at them.

"What are you all doing?" Lucci asked in a dangerous voice.

"W-We were s-supposed to give these o-orders to you." replied Jyabura, who was trying to hold back his laughter. Lucci grabbed the orders quickly and looked them over. Kaku, who was gonna play dumb, walked around the corner towards the group.

"What's going on? Are those the new orders, Lucci?"

"You all have 5 seconds to run." Everyone, except Kaku, turned and ran for their lives. Kaku watched everyone run around the corner he had been at just seconds ago. He then turned to Lucci.

"Me too?"

"No." Lucci replied. "You get to tend to Hattori while I take a nap." Lucci casually walked back into the room.

"Aren't you gonna go after the other CP9 officers?" Kaku asked as he searched for Hattori.

"No. I want to see how long they hide in fear before I finally rip them apart." Lucci laid down on his soft bed.

"I see." Kaku nodded. He finally found Hattori who didn't have a single feather on him.

It was as if he had just exploded into a pile of feathers.

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Poor Hattori! D: Lucky Kaku! :D  
that chapter sucked. XP  
Well R&R please! Thank you!


	3. Chapter 3: If You Were Gay

Chapter 3:

If You Were Gay

Ace ran next to Luffy towards the east side of the island, searching for the Merry Go. Smoker, who was not very far behind them, picked up speed when he saw that the younger brother had tripped in a whole. Ace stopped to help his brother when he noticed Smoker just yards away from them. Ace was in no mood to fight right now so the only thing he knew he could do at the moment was to irritate Smoker...and he knew just how to do so. Ace stepped in front of Luffy and faced Smoker.

"Listen Portgas, I don't wanna pick a fight right now. So just hand you and your brother over peacefully."

"Like hell I will."

"Fine. Have it your way." Smokers arms turned into smoke as he stood there staring at the brothers.

"Smoker, I'm gonna be real honest here...and I want you to be honest too okay?" Smoker just stared at Ace, wondering where he was going with this. "Smoker...I think your gay." Smokers cigars fell from his mouth as he stared open mouthed at Ace.

"What. The. Fuck?"

"Now, if you're a little shy to admit that you were gay, don't worry. We won't make fun of you..."

"Are sick minded, Portgas?"

"Smoker, listen to me. If you were gay, that would be okay. I mean cause hey, I like you anyway."

"Grr, Portgas..."

"Because you see...if it were me, I would feel free to say that I was gay but I'm not gay. If you were queer, I'd still be here year after year because your dear to me."

"Knock it off, Portgas!" Luffy just stared at his brother.

"And I know that you would accept me too--"

"Like hell I would!"

"--if I told you today 'Guess what, I'm gay!' But I'm not gay. I'm happy just being with you. So what should it matter to me what you do in bed with guys?"

"That's just wrong." Smoker recoiled.

"No it's not!" Luffy quickly replied

"If you were gay, I'd shout hooray!"

"I'm not listening to this crap anymore."

"And here I'd stay, but I wouldn't get in your way. You can count on me to always be beside you everyday to tell you it's okay. You were just born that way. And I'd say 'Say, It's in your DNA!' You're gay!"

"I AM NOT GAY!"

"If you were gay."

"ARGH! I GIVE UP! I'LL LET YOU GO THIS TIME, BUT NEXT TIME YOU'RE DEAD PORTGAS! DEAD! DEAD!!" Smoker ran in the opposite direction, leaving the two brothers alone. Ace grinned and turned around, helping his brother up.

"What was that about?"

"I was just messing with him. If you irritate someone enough they usually give up after a while."

"Cool!" Luffy and Ace stood there for a while before Luffy turned to Ace. "Ace, I'm hungary."

"Then lets get back to the ship..."

~later that day on the ship~

Luffy clung to Sanji's leg, begging for food. Sanji, no matter what he did, couldn't shake Luffy off.

"Luffy, just wait till dinner!" Luffy pouted but Sanji still said no. Luffy looked at the ground then back up at Sanji.

"Hey Sanji, are you gay?"

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Oh great...nice one Ace. Now Lu's gonna drive Sanji nuts...

Well...R&R please. Thank you!


	4. Chapter 4: Happy

Chapter 4:

Happy

Zoro was in a fowl mood today. Whether it was because he didn't get any sleep for the last 3 nights, he got no food this morning, he couldn't find his weights or the fact he was being irritated _beyond_ belief, he was _pissed._ And the only person who was brave, or stupid, enough to ask Zoro to _sing_ was the idiotic captain of the ship. Ace and the crew members watched from afar what Zoro would actually do to poor, innocent Luffy.

"Zo~ro~! Can you sing for me?" Zoro gave Luffy a death glare.

"Why should I?"

"I'm bo~red." Zoro thought about it and he thought '_Maybe it will put me in a better mood...'_

"Okay, I'll sing." The crew, who were all shocked, moved in closer to listen. Zoro cleared his throat.

"I am really special cause there's only one of me--"

"Yeah right, Marimo."

"--look at my smile, I'm so damn happy that people are jealous of me--"

"You call that a smile?"

"--when I'm sad and lonely, I like to sing this song. It cheers me up and shows me that I won't be sad for long. Oh, oh, oh, I'm so happy I can barely breath. Puppy dogs and sugar frogs. Kittens, baby teeth--"

"That stuff makes you happy?" Zoro, who was getting a lot more irritated every time he was interrupted, continued to sing.

"Watch out all you mothers, I'm happy it's hardcore. Happy as a coupon for a twenty-dollar whore--"

"Cheapo!"

"--hahaha. I am really happy, I'm sugar coated me. Happy good, anger bad. That's my philosophy--"

"Some philosophy."

"--I can't do this, man. I'm _not_ happy." Zoro, who was almost to his limit of irritation, continued on. (No matter what, the show must go on!) "I am really special cause there's only of me. Look at my smile, I'm so damn happy that people are jealous of me. These are my love handles--"

"How lame."

"--and this is my spout, but if you tip me over--"

"Who would tip _you_ over?"

"--then mama said knock you out. I am special, I am happy, I am gonna heave! Welcome to my happy world, now get your shit and leave! I am happy, I am good, I'm...I'm outta here--"

"Wait, where ya going, Zoro?!"

"--Screw you!" Zoro stood on the railing and jumped into the ocean.

"I guess he couldn't take another second..."

"Poor guy."

"I wonder why he's so stressed."

"Maybe the heat got to him." Everyone looked at Ace.

"Wasn't me."

"Oh well. He'll be back soon."

"Anyone hungry?"

~8 days later on the next island~

"Hey look! They have an insane asylum, Ace! Can we check it out?"

"Sure, Lu." The two brothers walked down the hall, looking in each room to see all the crazy people. Then they came to the last door on the right and looked inside. There, in a nice padded cell with a straight jacket on, was their mighty swordsman in a corner muttering the lyrics to his song over and over again.

It took him nearly a year to get over the 'happy' incident.

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Poor Zoro. Well...that sucked. R&R please. Thank you!


	5. Chapter 5: Do You Like Waffles?

Chapter 5:

Pancakes

Luffy, Usopp and Chopper sat at their own table in Denny's. Zoro, Sanji and Ace shared a booth on the other side of the restaurant. Not to far away from them sat Nami, Robin and Franky. Luffy looked over the menu. What would he like for breakfast...hmm. Maybe sausages? No. Eggs? Nah. French toast? Ooh, that sounded good. Pancakes sounded good too. And so did the waffles...

"May I take your order?"

"I'll have pancakes, waffles and french toast please." Usopp said.

"Can I have the waffles, french toast, and pancakes." Chopper said.

"I want the waffles, pancakes, and french toast please." Luffy said. The three looked at each other and smiled. "So we're all getting the same thing? Cool!" At the back of Luffy's mind, he started to hear a song play over and over again. A song he had never heard of. He then stood up on the table. "Lets sing a song about waffles, french toast, and pancakes guys!"

"Good idea, Luffy!" Usopp got on the table too.

"I can sing too!" Chopper joined the other two pirates. The whole restaurant stared at the three pirates standing on the table.

"Okay, ready Usopp and Chopper?" They nodded and started to sing:

"Do you like waffles?"  
"Yeah we like waffles!"  
"Do you like pancakes?"  
"Yeah we like pancakes!"  
"Do you like french toast?"  
"Yeah we like french toast!"  
"Do do do can't wait to get a mouth full!"  
"Waffles!"  
"Waffles!"  
"Waffles!"  
"Waffles!"  
"Do do do can't wait to get a mouth full!"  
"Do you like waffles?"  
"Yeah we like waffles!"  
"Do you like pancakes?"  
"Yeah we like pancakes!"  
"Do you like french toast?"  
"Yeah we like french toast!"  
"Do do do can't wait to get a mouth full!"

The three started to re-sing the song when the waitress that was taking Zoro's order looked at the other two beside him.

"Do any of you know those three men?" Zoro and Sanji looked at Ace who just shook his head.

"Nope."

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How embarrassing. Imagine your younger brother doing that in front of a huge crowd...  
Well, that was the last chapter. Kinda sucked but oh wells. XP  
Well R&R please! Thank you!


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